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November 30th, 2007 by Edward Miller

In the event of emergency rule declared by George W Bush at the end of his term, leading to a refusal to relinquish power, my immediate reaction would be one of outrage. Without hesitation, I would go to Starbucks and rant about how bad the situation has become.

While sipping my $5.99 latte, I would use the Starbucks WiFi hotspot to email all my e-friends about the urgent need for more coffee shop meetups. I would then go home, pour a glass of organic soymilk, and valiantly blog about the virtues of democratic governance and the need to maintain the civil liberties that had been constitutionally guaranteed for over two hundred years.

As I meticulously document all 452 legal justifications for impeachment, I would sporadically shop on urbanoutfitters.com to find good consumer merchandise with which to display my authenticity as a true member of the anti-establishment. Seeing my anti-dictatorship Facebook group swell, I may decide to create a humorous YouTube video that sends a powerful message to the thousands of other petty bourgeois politicos inspiring them to make YouTube videos of their own, set to Green Day’s best-selling album American Idiot.

Looking around the country, I begin to wonder why Bush has no serious challenges to his power, despite the near unanimous hatred of him. However, with no more Democrats who will pretend to support progressive policies, I will be driven toward anomic behavior such as writing melodramatic poetry.

While sitting in my armchair watching Keith Olbermann, it would dawn on me… it is all my fault. Eventually social tension, famine, overpopulation, biowarfare, the militarization of space, and global warming will overtake the planet and consume most of humanity. From the wreckage, there will arise clans of subterranean mutants led by cannibalistic warlords who will fight in vain over the scraps of the dying wasteland once called Earth.

At the last minute, a lone group of eccentric technophilic billionaires will escape to outer space in a self-sustaining capsule, but megalomaniacal in-fighting among them seemingly seals the extinction of the human race. Just then, an AI saves the day.

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4 Responses to “If “Emergency Rule” was imposed the US”

  1. reminds me of ‘amusing ourselves to death’

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amusing_Ourselves_to_Death

    I’m even more resolved to start a local Transhumanist Student Network chapter and get plugged in productively

  2. This is decidedly the most annoying thing about “activism” today. Because buying a Che Guevara shirt is the best way to attack capitalism… The problem with actually doing anything “real” nowadays, besides the scenario you so accurately satirized in your entry, is the strange paralyzing guilt that anyone with actual money or power has, which is effective enough in most cases to prevent anything from getting done.

    Do you think it is possible that people genuinely just don’t want anything to get done? I think it’s a legitimate question, maybe people sort of want things to just happen the way they will, whatever that entails? The way people, on a daily basis, find it so easy to justify non-action is disturbing.

    The most ubiquitous example is the person who asserts that maybe eating meat is wrong, but they do it anyway, simply because it would be too disruptive to their normal thought patterns to change. “I’m blogging about genocide in Sudan,” was an actual excuse I heard. “I’m doing so much good in other areas, I just want to sit down and not think about changing the world all the time, even at mealtimes.” It’s so ridiculous it ceases to be funny; it’s your nightmare scenario come true and on steroids. Young people frustrate me nowadays… Aren’t we supposed to actually care about the world? Not just wear the mask?

  3. Pretty sure the basic structure of this post came about as a conversation between us. No need to thank me.

  4. I’ll thank you anyways.

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